A journey of madness

Saturday, July 30, 2011 | En Español

I fight a merciless and endless war against a part of myself that is mediocre, ridden with self-doubt, and lazy. It always tries to stop me, it always tries to control me. It dominated me for many years. Years in which I lived a stagnant life with no future.

But the last years has been a journey of madness. After living in 8 different places in three different cities (4 after this website was started); after experiencing poverty, hunger and risks; and after facing every last one of my fears, including failure and loneliness, I found out that I wouldn't give up fighting, I found out that I still felt alive, more than I ever felt before. Not everything was bad, I also experienced my happiest and my most intense moments during these years. Even on the verge of desperation I ended up starting my website, when I couldn't pay for food anymore, leave alone for an Internet connection.

A year has passed since that particular point of my life, and everything is still complete chaos, but I learned to live it, I learned to love it, and I thrive on it. This website is almost one year old now, it is going strong, despite its focus being a small niche. I am still to explore and post about much more complex subjects of my interest, and many posts are due a revision, but I'm getting there. Through a combination of work, bold moves, risks, and, of course, some help and a little luck, I managed to get back on track economically speaking. Of course I live now a frugal lifestyle, but I am happy with it as it allows me to write more nowadays, and I am sure that eventually I will be able to live exclusively of creating something of value and releasing it under a creative commons license. I believe that sharing knowledge and art are some of the greatest things that we as humans can do, which is why I went with this license for everything that I create.

I am a very different person now than I was some years ago. No matter what happens, I still get up every morning and do my work. I am always motivated, and I am always looking forward to do something worth remembering. In this year, I wrote a screenplay (which I am yet to publish here, it is in the revision period), and I took a cinematography workshop. I am also planing to write a novel for this year's NaNoWriMo. I have been exercising intensively for many months now, and just this last sunday I achieved the 10km (6.214 miles) in under 50 minutes, a good achievement considering that when I started running a year and a half ago I had troubles jogging 750m (0.466 miles), that was sad.

I am trying to become the living proof that change is possible, that everything is achievable if we are passionate about it, and the only thing that could stop me now is death itself.

So, without abandoning the primary focus of this website, which is technical, I will do post more about my crazy, very unstable and certainly unpredictable life. Enjoy the show, it is going to be a wild ride to greatness.

Categories: Thoughts